Shagging At Hogwarts
by Black-Velvet-Hearts
Summary: Sequel to SHAGGING ON THE HOGWARTS EXPRESS - Harry and Draco try to 'get it on' while at Hogwarts. However, with unsuspected pairings, everyone they know seems to be getting some while they couldn't. SLASH! HPDM. Second in the 'At Hogwarts' series.


**Shagging at Hogwarts**

**By: Drunk McGonagall – Jasmine and Elizabeth**

**Jess:** AND HERE IT IS!! The wonderful sequel to Shagging on the Hogwarts Express! None of the characters have changed, I'm still Draco and Chelci is Harry…here are the warnings, disclaiming, and summaries...

**WARNING:** Male/Male slash. NC-17 for language and sexual content (random pairings)

**Summary:** Draco and Harry are back at Hogwarts and unsatisfied. Harry doesn't talk to Draco trying to keep them low, even though the whole school knows about them. Fred and George have the Muarders Map again…uh-oh! Lets see what they say when Harry and Draco have some hot sex and they see!! Well, it couldn't be as bad as Trelawney when she predicts his life…won't she get a kick out of that!!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any HP characters. All belong to JK Rowling. "DAMN IT" belongs to Harry Potter and "Merlin's Pants" belongs to Hermione Granger…oh…and "I don't give an ass rats" belongs to Draco Malfoy.

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Draco was angry. No. He was MORE than angry. He was FERIOUS! He sat at the Slytherin table in the Great Hall at Hogwarts with his brows furrowed and his arms crossed over his chest. He was focused on one thing, one person. Harry Potter. Draco tuned out everything, not caring about what was going on around him. He had the worst hard on ever possible for his and Harry's actions on the train, and now that he sat in the Hall in that condition he cursed everything he could think of that the train ride wasn't just 15 minutes longer. (**Jasmine**: more like 2 minutes)

Harry was sitting at the Gryffindor table trying to eat, and trying to ignore all the odd looks he was getting from his fellow students, apparently the word about he and Draco had spread VERY quickly. The looks he was getting from people were even worse then when the whole school had thought he had been the heir of Slytherin, and that had been bad, even Ron and Hermione were treating him badly now. Hermione kept having what appeared to be minor seizers and continually muttered "OMG". Ron ignored Harry just as completely as Hermione, but had managed to control himself a little more, he, unlike Hermione seemed angry and remained completely silent if Harry addressed him.

"…Draco…?" someone's voice penetrated his thoughts. He squeezed his eyebrows together and concentrated harder on Harry. "…Draco…?!" His eyes narrowed, trying and hopelessly failing to keep out the annoying voice. "Draco!"

"WHAT?!" Draco snapped, head turning and locking eyes with Pansy who was sitting on his right. She had been, for the last half hour, trying to get him to tell her he was bi and not JUST gay, but he was indeed not.

"Draco…are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine!" He persisted, and continued with his Harry-watching.

Well Draco might have been fine, but Hermione sure wasn't she collapsed on the floor and twitching, Ron looked oddly excited, and mumbles something about taking her to the hospital wing. Ron gets out of his seat to help Hermione up and out of the great hall. Harry gets up to help too, but Ron snaps "paws off my woman!" and drags Hermione out of the great hall excitedly, they get some funny looks too, and Harry could swear that he hear them both laughing once the door of the great hall had closed. "Great" Harry though to himself, "they are probably going to shag"

Draco chuckled when Pansy fell backwards off her seat on the bench. He turned his eyes toward Blaise Zambini. He sighed and stood, scrunching over Pansy and taking her to the infirmary. 'Well, this is just bloody great…' He thought to himself when he got a nasty look from one of his fellow Slytherins. He turned his attention over to Harry. He still wouldn't look at him. Draco sighed in defeat. Harry probably hated him now for all this. It was his fault in the first place.

The great hall was beginning to empty Harry quickly jumped out of seat and ran up the common room before Draco could come over and talk to him. The common room was rater empty too, everyone must have already gone to bed Harry thought to himself. Harry noticed that the few people remaining were the ones from his Dormitory, Seamus, Neville, and Dean, the only person missing was Ron…. Harry began up the staircase to go to bed. "I…I wouldn't go up there if I were you" stammered Neville.

"Why the bloody hell not?!" Harry snapped.

"You'll see" said Seamus wearily as Harry continued upstairs. When Harry reached the Dormitory, he discovered a black wizard's hat on the door, Harry reached for the knob, but before he could turn the handle Fred and George apparated next to him. Harry jumped, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" he yelled.

"I wouldn't go in there if I were you" said Fred.

"Why not?!" Harry snapped. Fred just shook his head, but George said "our dear little bro is "Getting it on" with Hermione"

"He is not!" Harry retorted.

"Well why don't you just knock and see then?" asked George.

"I think I will" growled Harry and he pounded loudly on the door, there was a crash from inside and someone said "OUF" as if hitting the floor. Ron opened the door a crack wrapped in a blanket. "Oui, what are you doing?!" Said Harry.

"Oh, nothing, nothing at all…" said Ron, Harry shoved past Ron and barged into the room, he looked over at Ron's bed, there was a bodiless foot lying on the bed. "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!" screamed Harry.

"NOTHING" Ron whimpered. Harry ran over to Ron's bed.

"Do you have some kind of a psychotic foot phedish??" he asked. Then it hit him: his invisibility cloak. Harry pulled the cloak off a Terrified and completely sane (and BUTT NAKED) Hermione with some difficulty. Taking a page from Hermione's book and yelled "OH MY GOD. LOOK AT HERMIONE"S BOOBS!!" Hermione made her infamous dying cat sound and ran from the room (still naked). Harry and Ron listened to the scene below, it sounded like Seamus and Dean had started wolf whistling, Neville came running up the stairs screaming "My virgin eyes!!" And then it sounded like Hermione was hexing Dean and Seamus. Harry coughed uncomfortably. "Doesn't she have a great rack?" Ron asked fondly. "Err…no mate, no she doesn't" said Harry.

Draco bounced along the corridor as he followed Harry up to the Gryffindor common room. He had been drunk for a month and he didn't give an ass rats if he lived or died. This was the Wizarding world after all.

He gave a very queer twirly-jump, much like Zac Effron's in High School Musical Two, and attempted to get past the portrait of the fat lady.

"There's no bloody way I'm letting you mmmmrumfrumhfrumpfry…." The Fat Lady fell out of her portrait, mumbling incoherently about Roman wine.

"SHE"S DRUNK!" Draco screeched.

So the fat lady let Draco in after Draco told her he was Harry Potter. She believed him (note to self: tell Dumbles no more rum for the fat lady). Draco was quite pleased with himself for getting into the Gryffindor common room, but little did he know professor Umbridge had installed alarms in the door way of each common room that were programmed to go off when someone that was not in the house entered, so as you can imagine it went off when Draco snuck in. Damn it. The Gryffindor common room was, to put it simply a zoo. Everyone was freaking out because of Ron and Hermione (Hermione was busy trying to kill people and so they running and screaming and such). Draco successful snuck up to Harry's room, Harry was hiding up there try not to get hexed by the still naked Hermione.

"Hey sexy" Draco said to Harry leaning up against the door frame casually.

"Hello, Draco" said Harry in a seductive voice. And that was the end of that, Draco was undressed in 10 seconds flat. GO DRACO YOU FEAKY FERRET BOY YOU!! Draco had just begun undressing Harry (he was using his teeth, so it was taking a while) when Umbridge and all of the inquisitors squad bardged in. "DAMN IT!!" Harry yelled and Draco said something like "damfit werfrkinbfsy"

"AAAAAWWWWWWW MY VIRGIN EYES" Umbridge yelled (no wonder shes a bitch, I would be too if I was 75 and still a virgin). Snape followed seconds later, panting, "I'm…here…" he puffed, his hair was messed up and his dress was crooked, which probably meant he had just finished a 3 some with McGonagall and Dumbles, he took one look at harry and Draco and started to undress "Why do I bother putting clothes on?!" Yells Snape.

"Professor, id thank you if you'd keep your clothes on!!" Umbridge squealed. "fuck you piggy!!" Draco said, spitting harrys tie out of his mouth and replacing it with harry lips.

Harry moaned into his mouth, desperately grinding against Draco. Umbridge made an imitation of Hermione's dying cat sound which sounded more like a cat being bombed by the Black Pearl and ran from the room. Snape fell over trying to take off his pants, and landed on Fred Weasly. They instantly started making out. In about 30 seconds the room had become an entire snogging fest.

"Paarty!" Sirius yelled apparating from Harry's trunk of sex toys, dragging a half naked Voldemort, Peter, James, Lily, Remus, and Tonks in the room. They quickly started making out like everyone else.

After a few minutes Umbrigde came back cause she was curious…and horny….Voldy disided to take pity on here and gave her a "little" kiss. She had an orgasm and everyone was scarred for life. Except for Peter who had never seen anyone so horny in his life, besides himself of course, so he grabbed umbridge and they got a more private room. To make a long story short (and less nasty) lets just say the world had 2 fewer virgins after that night.

So everyone, once they got over the shock, had started making out again. Everyone that is, except Snape and Fred. Let's just say they, erm, "spanked each others monkey." Draco shoved Harry onto a bed, which turned out to be Ron's, and began undressing him…with his teeth…again. Draco was horny as hell, and this time, he would fucking fuck Harry.

Harry's thoughts were about the same as Dracos, but unfortunitly they didn't get to "fucking fuck" each other since Umbridge came in at that precise moment wearing nothing but kitty cat laungarae "Potter, Draco, you both have detention tomorrow nine, tata!!" she said cheerfully skipping off. You may be wondering why that stopped them from shagging…let me help you. Close your eyes, are they closed!? Well fucking close them!! That's better. Now picture the fattest person you know. Now the shortest. Now the oldest. And Now a pig, and not a cute baby one either, a big fat hog. Can you see them all? Good. Now morph them together and put them in laugare with kittens running all over it. You've never been so not horny in your life have you? Well, that's exactly how Draco and harry felt, except multiply that times a million, they actually SAW it remember? Plus they saw her skipping with all her fat rolls bouncing and…runs to throw up

Draco moaned helplessly, rolling off Harry and onto the bed next to him. He covered his eyes with his arm. "Well, that's one way to spoil the mood." He mumbled.

Harry let out an unsuspected growl, which was very predatory in Draco's opinion, and pretty damn sexy. "Or not!" He piped and started making out with Harry again.

Just as Harry started to get horny all over again they heard a loud moan from somewhere in the room (the lights were out). "What in the bloody fucking hell was that?" Harry asked, his question was answered quickly when the voice of severus snape filled the air.

"Say my name Bitch!! SAY MY NAME!!"

"Oh Severus" George Weasly Moaned loudly, "that's the exact spot, Oh harder!!" and then there was some panting and more moaning and…yeah….lets just say that Harry was not horny all over again.

Draco couldn't help but let out his own pissed off growl. He sat up off Harry (again). Dragging his precious little Gryffindor by the arm, he pulled Harry out of the dorm, happily stepping all over unsuspecting sex-addicts. However, he wasn't getting any, so he couldn't say he was too, even though he was slightly getting obsessed with it considering he hadn't fucking fucked Harry yet. "OH MY GOD!" Crabbe yelled suddenly, out of no where, when the two appeared out of the Gryffindor common room. "HARRY AND DRACO ARE NAKIE!!" He began running off down the hall way screaming for Goyle. Draco took the opportunity of being alone and shoved Harry against the wall. Somewhere down said hall, they could hear some…"screaming."

"Oh YEAH Goyle, that's the spot."

Draco, slightly un-hornized, kept making out with Harry nonetheless.

"Lemon Drop?" Dumbledore asked suddenly, also popping in out of no where beside them.

"NO I DON'T WANT A FUCKING LEMON DROP GOD DAMNIT!!" Harry screamed in frustration, this was quite possibly the least sexy situation EVER, first old ladies in kitty laungaray, then snape screwing george, and now dumpledore and his lemon drops. I must say I can see where hes coming from, it does sound very unsexy.

"Have you seen snapey poo?" dumbles asked pleasantly ignoring the rude remark.

"hes in the boys dormitory fucking george Weasly!" harry snapped.

"Oh my" dumbles said "he is getting laid a lot lately isn't he?"

"YES" Draco said angrily. Albus went to find snape and harry and Draco followed since they were officially not in the mood. When they got to the dormitory dumbles turned on the lights and it was like a freakin whore house! Umbridge, Voldy, and wormtail were having a 3some, lily and james were making out, ron and Hermione "(they thought) were under the invisibility cloak with their feet sticking out. Sirius was fucking Ginny doggy style in a trunk of sexy toys, crab and goyle were…im just not going to tell you what they were doing….tonks and lupin where having fun tonk's hair was rainbow (which is always is in the middle of an orgasm) and the ghost of cho chang was fucking nearly headless nick and moaning mertly was on top of the bloody baron. Oh and then Crookshanks was giving it to Hedwig…Dumbles seemed unruffled by the situation and walked through the room doging all the couples they finally found snape, who was screwing both Weasly twins now…"WEASLEY SANDWITCH!!" Dumles cryed pleasantly!

"God damn it!! What do you want now?!" Snapie Poo Demanded.

"I need to teach you a magic trick" Dumbles said sencerly.

"YOU CAME HERE TO TEACH ME A FUCKING MAGIC TRICK?! Snape said as he shoved George of him and then climbed off of Fred himself. Harry covered his eyes, old guy packages are NOT hot. Harry was glad he and Draco hadn't seen Snape naked on the train.

"Yes. A magic trick." Said Dumbledore smiling sweetly.

"I DO NO WANT TO LEARN ANYMORE FUCKING MAGIC!!" Snape informed Dumbledore. Dumbledore rolled his eyes, leaned in and whispered something in the naked snape's ear, "Snapypoo, you already know all the magic you need to, those whiny brats don't need to know anymore, you know I don't need I don't give a fucking rats about my students." He said after leaning away from snape. "Oh, THAT kind of a magic trick! Alrightly then said snape stooping for his pants. "severu, you have shagged everyone in this bloody school, no one minds seeing you naked one more time." Alrighty then said snape swinging his pants around his head like a stripper, when he let go of them the landed on James's head, James thought Peter threw them so he talked peter, still naked, and then Voldy and umbridge tried to tackle lilly in an attempt to mess up james and lillys fun since james had messed up theirs, but they missed and landed on Hermione and ron, Hermione got out her wand and started hexing people. Crookshanks got so scared by the hex that Hermione hit him with that he accidentally ate Hedwig. Ginny Cryed. Lupin Went to comfort her, Tonks punched them BOTH because Remus "Sexy" Lupin is HERS! Goyle punched Crabb in the face because Crabb gave him crabs, not that he knew that at the time, so I supposed he did it just because he was violent and could. The ghosts just ignored them and kept fucking, they weren't ruffled by the situation since they all died in much more violent ways. Harry Just stared at all his friends/relatives fighting in the nude. It was just creepy, Harry thought he liked him better fucking. At least what they were doing made sense naked. Dumbles was still unfruffled by the situation, he grabbed snape by the hand, "I can have you back to the twins in 10 minutes" he told snape, "We can just pop into moaning mertals bathroom, its quite nice in there, she is called MOANING mertal for a reason!!" "Oh goody!! Can you show me the pointy hat trick? You haven't taught me that one yet, but ive heard things from menerva…" "Of course!" Dumbles said happily, "Anything for you sweet bottom! Lemon Drop?"

Draco's eye twitched as he watched everyone slapping eachother. He swore he saw Umbridge grope Voldy a few times. He looked over at Harry, wrapping an arm around his waist.

"Wanna go shag?" He asked.

"Oh, hell yeah."

They walked out arm in arm, but before they could get out the door, they were glomped from behind by someone.

Harry fell to the ground when he felt a boner poking into his back.

"DAMN IT!"

--

**_GO WACK A JILL!_**

**A/N: **My poor Jasmine moved! A whole half-hour away! I dunno what I'm going to do...-tears up- She started school today (The 12th of August, I think.) so I don't think we are going to have a lot of time writing the third peice of the 'At Hogwarts' series. So, just to let everyone know, the title of the third story is...**Sex Ed At Hogwarts.**


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